I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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