if only i could text you this smell
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm getting married
To pizza
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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