Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
