And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
