Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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