apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
