So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
