I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize