All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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