Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
