so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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