I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
