You can't motorboat a personality
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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