worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it's great music for shaving your balls
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
