I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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