We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
