hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
