How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
