And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I love you. Go after that dick
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
