We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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