Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
