he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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