How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
