i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
