im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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