nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
