I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
