Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
