Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
MIDGETS
????
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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