He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
