My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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