my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
