On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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