Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
