fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
