do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize