Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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