Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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