There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
