I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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