There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
