at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
