I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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