I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize