We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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