ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
