I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
