Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
