i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Drake has all the answers
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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