If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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