I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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