If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
