Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
