Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
