Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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