I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Mom said you looked used
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
