soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
