It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
