i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
