Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
