Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
