Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
