Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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