I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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