you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
