I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
