Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
