If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
