That's intense
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
