where am i from again
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
