You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
