He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
