I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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