he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dicks are not precious.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
