I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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