Don't make out with my wife yet
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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